So I guess it has been a while since I wrote anything resembling a proper post from Santiago. It isn’t that nothing’s been happening. Actually, I suppose the opposite is much more true, a lot has been happening. But, for one thing, I haven’t been really travelling around, I’ve been in Santiago hanging out with friends etc… and that doesn’t lend itself to easy blogability the way posting pictures and impressions from a new town every three days does. For another, a lot of what has been happening in my life involves other people, and there is a certain level of politik required when putting things on the internet that involve other people’s personal lives. Hopefully I don’t cross any lines with that.

Santiago is still really good, even though I have been here for a couple of weeks. Sometimes I get antsy and want to move on (I am tied here for at least two more weeks due to my Spanish classes) but at the end of the day, I really enjoy being here. In a sense, this stay in Santiago has opened my eyes to another kind of travel, the longer haul type of expat or working holiday experience. This is probably an important experience for me to have You get to slow down and meet people. It’s possible to work, which can make the lifestyle more sustainable in the long term. And yeah, I don’t know. It feels good. I’ve been thinking a lot more of, after I finish my masters degree, doing a woking holiday in Australia (and getting to the North and West, parts that I didn’t really have the chance to explore while I was there on university exchange) or New Zealand for a year or two. It might be cool, warm weather, being able to stay in a place for longer than a few days and actually make friends etc.

But then again, I don’t know, after a year in Australia I was really fed up. There is something frustrating about everything feeling temporary. Even if you are in a place for a year… or two years, or five, in most cases there is no sense of perminacy. There is a constant struggle to keep visa statuses good, to stay in the right place and process your finances the right way so you don’t have to pay taxes in two countries, blah, blah, blah. Or, if you go the other route and work illegally without the right visa, you have to worry about the idea of getting caught, making visa runs to neighboring countries etc. I am not saying I’m opposed to either of these ideas… but it’s a stress factor. Plus, there is just a weird feeling that comes from making strong friendships and not having enough stability in your life to let them mature into what you imagine they could at “home.” Upon re-reading this I realize that, at this point in my life, home has become more of a mythical idea in my head than an actual place, so it’s weird that I keep using the phrase. As I spend more time away, I can feel even my longest lasting bonds in the US getting weaker and weaker, which really sucks. But, such is life, and it raises the thought that with a little bit of effort, maybe anywhere (or even everywhere?) can be home.

I guess this resurgence of wanderlust, as well as of curiosity about the emotional sustainability of such a plan, revolves around the fact that my first really long term (more than a year) relationship ended recently, and it brings up questions of stability and instability and what I am willing to put up with on either front. I think in a lot of ways my relationship represented to me what I felt I was supposed to do, in terms of getting an apartment, settling down, etc. Without that, though, I don’t really feel the same obligations, and it is somewhat confusing. Moving to New York and moving to Sydney, Auckland, or Santiago would all be about the same thing in terms of what they mean to me. They would be places that I would think about living for a few years, maybe more if I decided I really fell in love with them. There’s just a bit more paperwork and risk for the last three.

But still, as much as I might come across as a drifter, I still really long for some things that I think are hard to have without at least a modicum of stability, such as sustainably intimate friendship. Bah. I don’t know. It’s confusing. I guess nobody really knows where they will be in life (either geographically or otherwise) more than a year in advance… at the most. And I feel like that is probably OK and I just need to accept it. If I wasn’t such a planner, I don’t think I would have pulled off getting my life to the point it is at now. I know a ton of people who are spontaneous and talk all the time about wanting to travel or do something else in their lives, and they never seem to get around to it because they can’t make sacrifices or think beyond the next hour, day, or week. But I know at least as many people on the other extreme end of the spectrum, who plan so much and are so worried about the extreme future that they aren’t able to enjoy the present, or really take advantage of the ridiculous number of opportunities that are constantly popping in and out of our lives.

So, I think for the next year, I am going to try to commit to being a bit more spontaneous and less concerned with what will be appropriate years down the line. And yes, I know that that last sentence contradicted itself pretty totally. But what can I say, at the end of the day, we’re all hypocrites on some level.

I was supposed to go to the beach this weekend, but that fell through (IE the people I was supposed to go with didn’t end up going) and I was also too lazy this morning to back up and leave my hostel. So I’m in Stgo for the weekend. Which should be fun, hopefully some activities decide to present themselves.

Anyway, that’s my ramble for today. Hope it wasn’t too painful.

Andrew